What Really Disappoints Her In Bed

We’ve all been there: After a fabulous romp that makes you feel like Rocky boundingup that giant staircase, your body suddenly shuts down. Even reaching for the remotecontrol is out of the question, as you feel your mind slipping into blissful post-coitaldreamland. Now a new studylooks at couples where one partner tends to fall asleep immediately after sex. Theresearchers suggest that there could be a psychological reason for the behavior. It seemsthat where there is a sleepy post-coital partner, there tends to be another partnerlonging for bonding and affection. The study’s authors,evolutionary psychologists at the University of Michigan and Albright College inPennsylvania, pose the idea that falling asleep soon after sex might be an indicator thata partner wants to avoid chats about things like commitment. Aclassic intimacy-avoidance tactic, if you will. Sounds like a good theoryto me, except for one other interesting finding. There was no gender dominance to thebehavior. Yup, despite what chicks like to profess, guys are no more likely to conk outafter a lovemaking session than women are. And we all know that avoiding emotional talkthat goes deeper than “How was your day?” is a favorite male hobby.RELATEDVIDEO: Is It OK To Fall Asleep After Sex? The study is entitled "Tendencies To Fall Asleep First After Sex AreAssociated With Greater Partner Desires For Bonding And Affection." Yup, straightforwardenough. It was published in the Journal of Social, Evolutionary, and CulturalPsychology, and it examined 456 survey participants who answered online questions.Then they responded to: "Who falls asleep after sex?" and "Who falls asleep first whengoing to bed not after sex?" Those who had partners who fell into snooze-land right afterhavingsex reported stronger desires for post-coital cuddling and chatting. So, here’s the Dr. Wendy take on the whole mess. First of all, anyone who readsstudies knows that the word “association” does not imply“causation.” In other words, just because two behaviors exist together -- inthis case, sleepiness and longing -- doesn’t mean one causes the other or that theyare related in any way, except that they lie side by side. My knowledgeof human attachment theory shows that when one has an insecure romantic attachment style,he/she tends to choose partners that will fulfill their most-wished for nightmare. Werecreate the familiar, even if it's painful. This study supports that very theory. Peoplewith insecure attachment styles -- those prone to longing and anxiety related to theirintimate relationships -- tend to chose post-coital snoozers. A partner falling asleepsummons up his or her own feelings of longing and abandonment. So, shouldone try harder to stay awake for an insecure partner? No way. But one should definitelytalk about the subject in the bright light of morning and reassure the wakeful partnerthat all is well in relationship land. Love is still in the air.

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by Wendy Walsh Published: